But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
