I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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