It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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