allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
