My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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