im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
