We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
