I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
