You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
