I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
