So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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