I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
