She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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