Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
