the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
