I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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