I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
