She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
All the doctor said was why
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
