you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
