You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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