I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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