just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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