Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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