I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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