I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
