"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
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