You really coming over, don't trick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
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the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.