I wish I could punch you in the face.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
