I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
third nipple confirmed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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