Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
