I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he shaved USA in his pubs
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
