:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
