my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
