In the future we'll all be gay
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
