im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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