Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
