I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
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I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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