is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
