Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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