i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
