just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Panties = found
Randomize
