Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
