but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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