Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
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I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize