Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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