Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
