he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
