When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
