I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
