Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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