i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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