the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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