I just saw a hot homeless man
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
