you should give me head with plastic fangs in
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
