i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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