I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
