i was born a porn star she said
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
