Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
