Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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