Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
