Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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