Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.