It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize