how can u be prego again
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just google imaged poop.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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