I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.