I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.