I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You just made me feel so damn special
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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