Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
3 2 1 whiskey
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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