I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
