u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
