it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
They are going to name an STD after you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
