Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
