Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
