A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
