I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
