You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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