So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
