Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
